You Can't Always Get What You Want

In life, the greatest challenges we face is with ourselves.  To me, these challenges are usually decisions that greatly alter my future.  Figuratively speaking, these decisions are like two diverging paths; where by taking one path, you must stay with it and not backtrack to take the other.

One of the hardest decisions that I have made was during the summer of 2008. I had just finished the eighth grade and I was set to attend yet another school for the ninth grade.  This was one of the most challenging decisions in my life for it greatly affected my future and I had to choose between what I wanted and what I needed.

It was one of those hot summer days where you woke up late in the afternoon and yet, still wanted to stay in bed all day.  I was lazing in my room, windows open, feeling the warm summer wind brushing my cheeks.  I liked being indoors for it was without the punishing heat of the sun's rays.  I was thinking about my old home, for it had been roughly a year since I arrived in Canada from the Philippines.  Those were difficult times for I had yet to call Canada home as I do so now.   I had just finished the eighth grade and I learned that I was moving to another school for the ninth grade.  It felt like I wasted one year of building confidence and a reputation just to go back to having a a fresh start.  It's safe to say that I was not looking forward to the coming September.

As I was deep in my thoughts, my mother came in the room holding a cordless telephone.  She looked slightly stressed and more tired than usual.  I contemplated if I should have been helping her with the house chores, but the soft feel of the bed was tempting; and I was not one to resist temptation.

"Phone for you."  She informed me.

"Who is it?"  I asked.

"It's your grandmother from home.  It's a long distance call so be quick." She replied.

I quickly took the phone, and despite my mother's warnings talked for about an hour on the many good memories I had with my grandparents.  Whenever I would visit their house, there would be a grand feast with my favorite foods.  The delicious aromas emanating from the kitchen were enough to drive a hungry man insane.  One couldn't help waiting impatiently tableside for lunch and dinner to be served.  The food, needless to say, was delicious to the point where gluttony was difficult to avoid.  The hypnotizing aromas and the mouthwatering dishes still haunt my senses to this day.  Another highlight of my many visits was how often my grandparents and I went out to do numerous activities with my uncle and aunt.  We usually went to the many malls near my grandparent's house, where we would walk accompanied around and enjoy each other's company.  When my grandparents got tired we let them rest on the benches while my uncle and I went bowling or to the arcade.  I was also slightly spoiled by my grandparents when I was a kid; whenever I wanted something all I had to do was put on my best smile and ask them to buy it for me.  But some of the best memories I had with my grandparents was probably the monthly trip to the beach.  I loved the powder fine sand, the cool temperature of the clear blue water on a hot summer afternoon, and the immaculate view when the sunset gives the gentle waters an orange colour.  The soft sound of the waves that make me feel like I'm in another, more peaceful dimension, away from all the blasting horns and the screeching tires one cannot avoid in big cities.  I could lie on the seashore all day, my feet submerged in the refreshing water, while my back rested on the sand, as smooth as powder.  Those days really were the best of times. If only I could go back to that paradise for one more day.

"Oh dear, the phone card only has five minutes left.  I'll talk to you soon!" My grandmother stated, waking my wandering mind.

"Really?  Well talk to you soon then!" I replied, slightly dazed.
I hung up the phone, and suddenly realized that I was starving.  I was craving peperoni pizza so I went downstairs to the kitchen, hoping that there were a few instant pizzas inside of the freezer.  The kitchen was brightly lit by the scorching midday sun when I entered.  The kitchen was a bit too stuffy and hot for my preference so I planned to get out quickly.  I then noticed my mother who had just got off her cellphone.  The look on her face told me that she had big news; I was right.  Apparently my father called and he was planning to go back and visit my grandparents in the Philippines next week.  Normally I would be disappointed and envious by this, I was for a while, until my mother told me that my father wanted to bring me with him in his trip.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing at first; then I was filled with such bliss  that I danced like a fool and did laps around the house.  The sheer joy extruding from me could not have been more obvious.  After that nostalgic conversation with my grandmother, how could I pass on this opportunity?  I was all set to go on a vacation.

My mother went to mark the leaving date on the calendar when she suddenly frowned.  I took a peek at the messy calendar to see what was bugging her.  The date I was supposed to leave was a week before I was scheduled to be interviewed at the new school that I was going to.  It was an interview to get into this special class called "Spectrum."  Supposedly I had to apply in the eighth grade, but my mother asked around and apparently there was one slot open.  I quickly asked my mother if I could reschedule the interview but it was impossible.  My mother quickly called my father to inform him about the setbacks.  Both of them thought that I should take the test because it was for my future.  The day, which had been a pleasant daydream had become a horrid nightmare.  I silently went to my room and pondered about this important decision.

"Do I pick what I want?  Or do I choose instead what is best for the future?"

I pondered as the scorching yellow sun turned orange. I pondered as the orange glow faded into darkness.  I silently wished that the passing cars outside would keep quiet so I could hear myself think.  The decision was obvious, I should choose the interview for it was my future at stake.  But I just couldn't bring myself to make such a decision; to condemn myself to more work when I desperately needed a vacation.  I feel asleep. Dreams of lavish feasts and peaceful beaches taunted me in my restless sleep.

Two days after the interview, I was informed that I didn't get in the special class.  I was not the least bit surprised, for making the decision to take the test annihilated my concentration.  My usually composed thoughts became a mess of bland, unimpressive and repetitive words that I could not compose into a polished sentence.  In my sorrow I wondered if the interviewers laughed at my pitiful attempt to prove myself to them; I would have.

For the next few days I wallowed in self pity, yet I did not show anyone my weakness for I hated looking weak.  It was during days like this that I wished that I had vices instead of virtues.  As the days passed, I felt less regret, for I've always known that I can't always get what I want.

In life, everyone has, at least one, made a life changing decision where they faced themselves.  To me, this decision was difficult challenge for I knew that this decision would greatly affect my future.  I ignored my instincts and used logic; I resisted temptation and choose to do, at that time, what I felt was the right decision; I took risks, when I should have played it safe.  This lead to my downfall, where I lost valuable opportunities and gained nothing.  This truly was the greatest challenge that I have ever faced, for unlike many other challenges, I feel like I failed this one, thus failing myself.