No Mr. Egwugwu, I Expect You to Die

You savage beasts!  Have you no respect for the house of God! I am Mr. Smith, the head missionary of this estate!  But you already knew that; and I know why you are here!  For the basic human act of vengeance...how typical and utterly predictable.  You lot are nothing but hypocrites and parasites that blemish God’s green earth; liars who poison the minds of the damned men and women of the Igbo tribe.  Do you understand what I am saying to you right now?  You spirits are not even spirits at all, merely pitiful cowards who wear masks and manipulate people into doing their own selfish will by going as low as pretending to be reincarnated spirits of the deceased.  I intend to improve the world by cleansing its imperfections , but you so called spirits are con-artists who enjoy causing and watching the Igbo tribe’s self destruction through your sacrifices and false gods.   

Look at you and your countrymen’s situation; you are all savages going towards the path of self destruction.  What have you accomplished within the last 1000 or so years that you've been living in this desolate wasteland?  While our civilization has created art, transportation and structures more grandeur than ever imagined, you troglodytes seem like your most advanced creation was farming.  None of you and your countrymen, combined, have achieved what I have and will accomplish in the days to come. 

 I was born the the British countryside in a poor farmer's family, much like you savages.  I utterly despised my father, for he was a man with no ambition whatsoever.  He might have been hardworking but what bothered me the most was his simplicity, his being content with what he had when he could have easily accomplished more.  I left that wretched place and went to the city; it was there that I won scholarships to the most prestigious schools in England.  I accomplished all my goals, impressed all my fellow students and defeated all that stood before me.  It would not be stretching the truth by saying that I was and still am the best in the world at what I do.  After I graduated, professors , students and politicians alike told me that I had the potential to become Prime Minister.   

It was an amusing thought but one I would not accept.  For I observed the people around me and I realized that my own countrymen too, were going towards the path of self destruction and devolution.  I lost all hope that they would ever recover from the sinful natures that they have adopted.  There was no fixing that broken society, that dysfunctional civilization. 

I decided to go to the most powerful and influential organization in England, the church.  It was there that I obtained what I needed.  After years of ruling the order I finally obtained what I sorely desired; a new world, your world, Africa, of which I could start a perfect society, free from the ignorant and lazy natures that civilization is slowly adopting;  a new world that I could shape with the help of my fellow visionaries.  I have been appointed by the commissioner himself to assimilate... no, no... to save the people of the Igbo tribe from their savage ways and begin a new civilized world from scratch; a world that will be far superior to any other civilization, past or present.

  All will be well when I am through with dealing with the problematic individuals of the tribe who resist the inevitable (such as that bothersome Okonkwo). When I finish making this pestilence infested wasteland your countrymen have called home into a much more desirable place for the people of the new and improved world to live in; a new world order will be started, not one of savageness, nor one of petty human ambitions, but a perfect world where all people obey rules and regulations that uphold the virtues that will define the one and only definition of good. 

So go ahead and destroy this rat shack that the foll brown made, it is not fit for the people of the new world anyway.  You cannot stop me, so enjoy this victory... if you can even call it a victory... while you can for this land will soon be a kingdom under my control.

Epilogue

Smith:  Are they gone?...

Smith: How utterly predictable...

Smith: Send word to the commissioner that they acted as predicted, we will have our six leaders soon...

Smith: A ransom is such a trivial matter but I suppose the end justifies the means...

Smith: Now for that bothersome Okonkwo.  I am told that you have ties with this man?...

Smith: Yes we will need to act fast and make it look accidental, we do not need an uprising....

Smith: A suicide you say?...Yes that might work...

Smith: See to it yourself, Umofa's time is at hand and I need not another pesky bug to squash...

Smith: I expect a full report tomorrow.  You are dismissed...Issac.